fear.

Emotion is such a crazy beast. During my graduate studies in the couseling field it was ingrained into my brain that, "Emotions are not right or wrong. They are just emotions." Being a very emotional person, I live by this principal. Not only do I live by the principal but I tell everyone that asks for advice, needs a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on...this is a revolutionary concept. We place blame or judgement on ourselves for "feeling" a certain way. What really matters is our reaction to the emotion. We get to choose how we express that anger, happiness, or love. We truly are in control of our own emotions.

So that brings me to fear.

I choose to loathe you, fear.

For more than a decade I have truly wanted a musical career in one aspect or another. Every time I get close to taking a step in the musical direction, there is my good ole' pal fear. Someone asked me once, are you scared of failing? Yes! But for me, I am equally scared of succeeding. As the old saying goes, "damned if you do, damned if you don't."

Being in this stagnate state is so familiar. If I don't make an effort, if I don't take initiative then I can't fail OR succeed. It really all comes down to the unknown...what would it be like to fail? what would it be like to succeed? And WORST OF ALL what would it be like to succeed and become a failure quickly there after?

What if I get my hopes up only to get them smashed?
What if my name gets out there and someone from my past maliciously throws dirt my way?
What if I'm not as good as everyone thinks I am?
What if I AM as good as everyone thinks I am?
What if it changes who I am?
What if I'm not supposed to dream that big?

Well, fear. I'm done with you. I am taking steps, I'm believing in me, and I'm going to see what happens. If I fail, that's fine...I like my life. If I succeed, that's awesome too! You might hang around and try to plague me every now and then, that's ok..I'm expecting it. But, fear, you should know that you don't control me, I control you. You are but mere emotion, and a weak one at that. I just happen to be on speaking terms with my Creator and he's given me love, power, and a sound mind. So hang around if you must but I'm sorry to tell you...you may get bored quickly, I'm moving on.

So that brings me back to....

I choose to loath you, fear.