Tuesday, October 4, 2011

the awesomeness of life

sometimes life is crazy. crazy i tell ya! since i last blogged my life has been quite the ride. i could talk about the 2 year relationship i ended (that involved a big diamond), or my dad's stroke, or the DC mission trip, or family vacation, or a week of great outdoors camp, or my sister's brain tumor, or...or...or....

instead i want to talk about the awesomeness of life. i guess saying "instead" is not really a good way to start this part of the story because all those things, good or bad, add to the awesomeness of life. no, it is not awesome that my dad had a stroke or that my sister has a brain tumor. actually a much better way to react to the brain tumor would be the way one of my co-workers did... "well, carla, brain tumors bite a big green wiener." yes, yes they do. however...the initial diagnosis for my dad's stroke was aneurism which would have been much...much worse. just like last year when our initial diagnosis on my mom's 15 pound ovarian tumor was cancer but it turned out to be benign. at this point my sister doesn't even have to get her tumor removed and its causing no symptoms what so ever.

this is where we come to the "awesomeness of life" part of the blog. in all of those family situations the outcome could have been significantly worse. in reality, over the course of a year and a half i could have lost my mom, dad, and sister...but i didn't. life is awesome. i was engaged and now i'm not. that could've been a horrible break up or worse i could've found myself in an unhappy marriage, a mistake i do not want to make. i'm 100% sure that even though it hasn't been easy and on some days i want to kick myself because i'm single...i made the right decision. 110% sure. this is the awesomeness of life.

i decided that i have to live for now. i can't hold past mistakes over my head like some kind of guilt punishment. i can live for now. i admit it, sometimes i hold a grudge with myself. sometimes i play the "well i guess you're not happy because you did ____(fill in the blank with the many mistakes of life)____ 10 years ago. that's just crap! the Forgiver has forgiven me...i should too.

so....i'm living the awesomeness of life. some days are more awesome than others. take thursdays for instance. thanks to the recommendation of the amazing ruta sepetys, on thursday of each week i drive to nashville and i attend a class at vanderbilt university's blair school of music. i love it. just that simple thing feels like forward movement. on top of that, i'm almost finished recording/tracking for my first ever album...forward movement. for creative types, like me (and i wish i was a fraction as creative as my friends), you have to have an outlet. HAVE to. being creative doesn't always pay the bills so most of the creatives i know work a job they LIKE a lot but the job they LOVE is still out there ahead of them. the creative process is an outlet, an outlet that is necessary for sanity's sake. this truth became very real to me as i listened through the rough mixes of my album. my friend that was listening along looked at me and said "i feel like i should come over there and hug you!" i reassured her that i am ok. emotion is exaggerated in art. and as i previously mentioned my past year has been a bit much. but through the awesomeness of life the crappiness of that year has made some pretty good songs.

so...all of this rambling on means one simple thing. LIVE LIFE. when the "bites a big green wiener" moments come along pray, love, keep moving forward. sometimes they end up ok, sometimes they don't. but in all the good and the bad, remember life is short. LIVE AND ENJOY THE AWESOMENESS OF LIFE!!!