i'm fine.

so i was scrolling through facebook today and i saw this posted. i see SO MANY of these things on facebook that i've honestly started ignoring most of them but the huge "I'M FINE" caught my eye on this one. i read through it a few times and all i know to say is:

really? this is okay?

i have no idea which of my friends posted this or "liked" it. so, if you're reading this, i'm sorry. i don't mean to offend you at all but i just can't get behind this idea.

why would we encourage each other to lie? why should we imply that being a "strong girl" requires someone to hide her feelings?

i'm definitely not suggesting that we put ALL. THE. FEELS. out there for the world to see all the time but expressing your emotions is healthy. a good cry is healthy. appropriately expressed anger is healthy. yes, of course emotion should be coupled with a good dose of self control but it can be expressed.

if i see you with tears running down your cheeks and you say "i'm fine," i know you're lying. and please, please don't feel like you have to lie to me. you don't have to tell me the source of your tears but you don't have to hide them either. feeling feels is okay. it's healthy.

emotions are not right or wrong...they just are.

ladies, let's stop spreading these lies to our friends and MORE IMPORTANTLY let's stop telling them to ourselves.

after.

i'm trying to work today. it's going MEH.

i can do solid work for 30-45 minutes and then it returns...

this overwhelming, all-consuming pain that has seeped into my very core. a stake planted deep in my soul. it diminishes a bit if i sit very still and distract myself with music or words or email or twitter. but it returns.

it returns.

what is wrong with our world?

what brokenness drives one person to harm another?
how much pain must you feel to murder another?
how miserable are you if you can open fire on children?
how very lost are you if you choose to take lives at the end of something as life giving as finishing a marathon?

i believe people are good and i have decided to find that good in everyone i meet. this is not always easy but i believe it is there. however, after nights spent watching a school destroyed, or a finish line forever mauled by pain, finding good is hard.

then it happens.

i see the ones running into the smoke.
i see the ones carrying strangers out.
i hear that marathoners didn't stop at mile 26 but ran on...on to give blood when they were already weakened by fatigue, exhaustion and utter fear.

THERE IS THE GOOD. THERE IS LOVE. THERE IS LOVE.

after a morning of distracted work i offer you this reminder.

after the last tear falls
there is love.
love, love, love.
there is love.
love, love, love.
~ andrew peterson

if you hurt like i do, this is for you.