tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15843359673677401522024-03-13T11:12:25.872-07:00cj schoolerwritings, ramblings & other quirkiness.carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-50787584768952497662015-09-09T10:00:00.000-07:002015-09-10T08:01:20.645-07:00dear friend. <div class="MsoNormal">
Dear friend,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m writing you because this whole Kim Davis situation has
really REALLY bothered me over the past couple weeks. It hits close to home for
me because there are a lot of people from my past that look and sound a lot
like Ms. Davis. And the fact of the matter is, while I may not agree with all
those people all the time…I still love them and I respect them tremendously. So
when I see very personal insults thrown at Ms. Davis it bothers me. Honestly,
I’ve spent some time crying over this situation and here’s the biggest reason
why - I think we both want the same thing but I’m not sure you understand that.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s the thing - I think what has happened with Ms. Davis
is a case of misunderstanding what Religious Freedom truly means. I think there
has been a lack of comprehension of The Separation of Church and State
(SOC&S). You see SOC&S is the very reason that you are allowed to rally
outside of a state office while holding signs and crosses and the government
can’t stop you. I want this too! I want to be able to stand and make my voice
heard but here’s where our disagreement lies - Ms. Davis is actually putting
that great freedom in jeopardy with her actions. I believe that passion is an
amazing and great thing, I do. However, I believe that you must understand the
consequences of your actions and you should fully understand the depth of what
you are rallying against. You see if we stand behind Ms. Davis and label our
cause as religious freedom we jeopardize the very thing we seek. Issuing
marriage licenses to all people is the law of the United States of America and
is upheld by the constitution, religion must be separate from this law. I am
very sorry for Ms. Davis that this law took effect after her election to office
but it doesn’t change the fact that it is still law. I personally hate it when
a rapist is freed after a trial because there is a small, even insignificant,
shadow of doubt. But this does not give me the right to take the law into my
own hands and punish that individual. I must respect that law. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let’s think about it like this…say there is a teenager who
is…well…being a teenager and that kid decides he can curse his father, degrade
him, and really just become a menace. I think we can all agree this happens
every day in America. Okay, let’s say that father has had enough and he kills
that son. Friend, I would hope that we all agree that this father should be
punished. BUT - if we allow situations like that of Ms. Davis to continue then
that father will have grounds to use Leviticus 20:9 in his defense and state it
as his religious right and freedom to kill his child for cursing him. By
rallying behind Ms. Davis we are opening the door for “religious freedom” to
become a defense and scapegoat for broken laws. The church must remain separate
from the state.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My hope is that you’ve heard me, friend. I love my religious
freedom. I love that I can pray in public. I can worship when and where I would
like. I can celebrate the resurrection of Jesus on Easter and his birth at
Christmas. I like that you can be United Methodist or Baptist or Catholic or
Pentecostal while I enjoy being this crazy hodge-podge of beliefs. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am asking you to stop. Look, I’m really glad Ms. Davis is
no longer in jail, I truly am. That was probably a scary experience and I will
not delight in someone else’s pain. But let’s all agree that she wasn’t helping
our cause…she really wasn’t. And you’re not helping by rallying behind
something that will threaten our religious freedom. I wish her the best and I
hope she has come to realize that the law is the law. If she can’t get past her
conviction I wish her well on her new job search. I get it, I probably couldn’t
be a Navy Seal…I’m not sure my religious beliefs would allow me to take another
person’s life if commanded. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I tell you this because I love you…you are not being a light
on a hill. You’re not drawing all men to Jesus with this. I’m afraid you are
pushing people away. Yes, you’re gaining those who are just like you but are
you gaining those who need to experience God’s love the most? I’m sorry, but I
don’t think you are. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerely - <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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A broken heart. <o:p></o:p></div>
carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-84305922819412325472013-11-14T14:23:00.000-08:002013-11-14T14:35:30.998-08:00authors & story.i am a story addict.<br />
<br />
i love stories in all forms: stage, screen, lyrics, poems, & fiction.<br />
<br />
but people are my favorite narratives by far. in the words of a wise time lord...<br />
<br />
"we're all stories in the end." ~ doctor who<br />
<br />
i recently traveled to charleston, sc for yallfest. if you are not familiar with that festival, it's a one day festival crammed full of middle grade and young adult authors. there were about 50 of the top authors in the business. that many panels are the PERFECT place for a story junkie like me. not only are the authors talking about the incredible works they've created but they let people like me (fangirls & fanboys) have a small glimpse into the person behind the words.<br />
<br />
in addition to festivals and cons i also fangirl all over twitter & tumblr and <b>EVEN GREATER THAN THAT</b> some of my<i> favorite writers</i> actually let me be part of their lives. part of their stories. i seriously try to keep the fangirling to a minimum among my friends but sometimes it can not be tamed. if you, too, are a fangirl/fanboy then you get me & no further explanation is required. if you are not...i have suggestions for you! you need to know true fandom passion.<br />
<br />
i digress...where was i? right...<br />
<br />
by some great miracle i get to hang out with authors much of the time & do you want to know what i have learned?<br />
<br />
<b>CREATIVITY = VULNERABILITY </b><br />
<br />
that sounds so simple and i feel like some of you are probably sorry you've read to this point just for that but don't stop now! keep reading!<br />
<br />
we throw around the word vulnerable for so many things but the kind i'm talking about is <b>HOLISTIC VULNERABILITY</b>. i have read blogs & twitter posts by incredible authors explaining the physical toll a draft or a revision has taken on their body. i recently heard a dear friend on a panel say that finishing her trilogy "almost literally killed" her and she wasn't exaggerating. i have watched some level headed & consistently solid people meet a deadline & immediately get sick. studies have shown that writers are among the highest at risk for depression but if you don't believe the stats, that's okay. read <a href="http://naturalartificial.blogspot.com/2013/11/where-im-at-in-my-head.html" target="_blank">this honest & painful account</a> of how truly hard the writing journey can be from an international bestseller. and, get this, her books are very very happy making, you would've never guessed.<br />
<br />
so, am i writing this just to bring attention to the fact that writing is hard? no....and yes.<br />
<br />
first the <b>NO</b>. i am writing this for the other addicts like me out there. when these books hit shelves and we fall all over ourselves to read them, that's where our part begins. that book is out of the author's hands it is no longer "theirs" it becomes "ours." but here's the thing - they CAN NOT divorce themselves from that book. that author has given birth and can now watch it grow but it will forever hold part of his/her soul. the book is part of the author. the author is part of the book.<br />
<br />
be kind.<br />
<br />
we are completely & totally allowed to dislike a book. we can disagree with a plot choice the author made. we can loathe the fact that a certain character died. we can throw the book into a blazing, burning, black fire as a result of our passionate dislike. BUT we have <b>NO RIGHT</b> to attack a <i>person</i>. you might think an author has stepped back and disconnected from a book because it has become "ours." they have not. by the time a book reaches a place you & i can read it, the author has been in relationship with those characters for years. that author gave part of himself/herself to share that story with us. i promise you, if you feel - HEAD EXPLODE, THROW SOMETHING, RIP OUT PAGES, LAY IT DOWN, BURN IT WITH THE BLACK FIRE OF A THOUSAND WITCHES - mad about something...there were probably months of turmoil over that decision because <b>they love the book too</b>.<br />
<br />
on the other hand, if a book is - HEAD EXPLODE, HEART POUNDING, NEED THAT BOOK ON YOUR PERSON AT ALL TIMES, UNICORNS & RAINBOWS, WEEP LIKE YOU ARE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE GLASS AND LOKI IS INCHES AWAY GRIEVING BUT YOU. CAN. NOT. TOUCH. HIM.- good...then tell someone! tell your friends. tell your enemies. tell the hottie in front of you at your local indie (this is always a good choice) and lastly, TELL THE AUTHOR. write a review, tell them on twitter, BUY EXTRA BOOKS AS GIFTS and bring like 20 for them to sign when you meet them (they like this). if you tell one person & they read it...you've made a difference.<br />
<br />
now for the <b>YES. </b>yes, i'm telling you writing is hard because i think those of us who walk into barnes & noble and see hundreds of choices before us assume getting your book on one of those shelves is easy.<br />
<br />
it is not.<br />
<br />
writing <i>is</i> hard and as a fangirl reader i want to say thank you. if you are reading this and you write books...i see you. i know that you had to open a vein and spill part of yourself onto that keyboard. and i know that after that YOU HAD TO DO IT AGAIN, maybe 3, 4, 20 times! you make yourself vulnerable - ON EVERY SINGLE LEVEL - so that the world knows good art.<br />
<br />
you matter. your work matters. and you are not taken for granted.<br />
<br />
go forth.<br />
<br />
read.<br />
<br />
be kind.<br />
<br />
hug an author. (with permission, of course)<br />
<br />
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carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-56478332004351062582013-07-18T22:45:00.002-07:002013-07-18T22:45:18.475-07:00one year. i remember the days when a year felt like an eternity. i remember turning 15 and thinking that a driver's license was still an eternity away. on the last day of my junior year in high school graduation was still light years away.<br />
<br />
however, i have found this crazy phenomenon as an adult. time seems to bend and warp into seconds and eons at the same time. one year ago today i went to my storage unit, picked up my life and made the 63 mile trek to my new home. when i think of that day in particular it seems like it was only yesterday. BUT when i think about the person i was on july 18, 2012 and the person i am today, i swear it has been years since the day i signed the line and crammed way too much stuff into my tiny little apartment by the river.<br />
<br />
the first six months were hard. they were REALLY hard. i found myself living alone for the first time in my life. it was weird on the best days and so very painful on the worst. looking back on that time now, it seemed i was living through a great storm, alone. <br />
<br />
so many dark clouds.<br />
<br />
BUT, so many silver linings.<br />
<br />
both the clouds and the light behind them came in the form of self exploration. all that time by myself made me think. and it made me think A LOT. i <i>really, really</i> love fall and i think facing that season with the realization that life was different and not yet comfortable was like a smack in the face. being courageous, transplanting myself and simply <i>being </i>didn't come with a magic happy potion. i will spare you all the depressing details. all i can tell you is that somewhere around the six month mark the clouds broke.<br />
<br />
i read a lot.<br />
i talked to my Creator a lot.<br />
i talked to my friends a lot.<br />
i talked to my counselor a lot.<br />
i cried a lot.<br />
i reached out a lot.<br />
i listened to music a lot.<br />
i found some courage, a lot.<br />
<br />
you see i've always felt the pressure of who someone else <i>thought</i> i should be. the pressure started way back. back when i couldn't control it, but i allowed it to remain too long. there were religious pressures, familial pressures, friend pressures, even society pressures. some of the pressure i felt was legitimate but some of it was self imposed. sometimes i was the cause of the pain, i made assumptions about who i thought others wanted or needed me to be. but the funny thing about pressure when you're so isolated, in a new place, with new opportunities is...<br />
<br />
your own pressure is all that matters when no one else is around. <br />
<br />
i was a carbonated carla. my lid remained secure but the pressure was too high. HOWEVER i had to figure out which pressures were keeping me crisp and making me a better human and i had to separate those from the ones that were simply shaken up by others. because those, those nasty little boogers are the ones that can cause you to blow.<br />
<br />
so here i am, exactly one year into this new journey. i still get shaken up. but in the last year i have been forced to look at my relationships with faith, with church, with friends, with family, with love and with my Creator. <br />
<br />
a sweet friend recently used the phrase "religion free but hope abundant." the longer i thought about the phrase, the more i realized that's exactly how i would want to describe myself because that is how i would describe Jesus. my faith has taken me to many different churches and several denominations. and i have found that religion is flawed but Jesus is not. i have been more sure of that this year than ever before. <br />
<br />
one day last winter i got really brave, i faced my fears, i said some words and then it happened...the clouds broke and hope abundant came shining through.<br />
<br />
i am in love with this city and... <br />
<br />
i am more carla today than i have ever been.carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-14389768179932329802013-04-30T22:22:00.001-07:002013-04-30T22:22:06.026-07:00i'm fine. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
so i was scrolling through facebook today and i saw this posted. i see SO MANY of these things on facebook that i've honestly started ignoring most of them but the huge "I'M FINE" caught my eye on this one. i read through it a few times and all i know to say is:<br />
<br />
really? this is okay?<br />
<br />
i have no idea which of my friends posted this or "liked" it. so, if you're reading this, i'm sorry. i don't mean to offend you at all but i just can't get behind this idea.<br />
<br />
why would we encourage each other to lie? why should we imply that being a "strong girl" requires someone to hide her feelings? <br />
<br />
i'm definitely not suggesting that we put ALL. THE. FEELS. out there for the world to see all the time but expressing your emotions is healthy. a good cry is healthy. appropriately expressed anger is healthy. yes, of course emotion should be coupled with a good dose of self control but it can be expressed.<br />
<br />
if i see you with tears running down your cheeks and you say "i'm fine," i know you're lying. and please, please don't feel like you have to lie to me. you don't have to tell me the source of your tears but you don't have to hide them either. feeling feels is okay. it's healthy.<br />
<br />
emotions are not right or wrong...they just are.<br />
<br />
ladies, let's stop spreading these lies to our friends and MORE IMPORTANTLY let's stop telling them to ourselves. carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-77955308991505183742013-04-16T10:08:00.000-07:002013-04-16T10:08:29.153-07:00after. i'm <i>trying </i>to work today. it's going <i>MEH.</i><br />
<br />
i can do solid work for 30-45 minutes and then it returns...<br />
<br />
this overwhelming, all-consuming pain that has seeped into my very core. a stake planted deep in my soul. it diminishes a bit if i sit very still and distract myself with music or words or email or twitter. but it returns.<br />
<br />
it returns.<br />
<br />
what is wrong with our world? <br />
<br />
what brokenness drives one person to harm another?<br />
how much pain must you feel to murder another?<br />
how miserable are you if you can open fire on children? <br />
how very lost are you if you choose to take lives at the end of something as life giving as finishing a marathon?<br />
<br />
i believe people are good and i have decided to find that good in everyone i meet. this is not always easy but i believe it is there. however, after nights spent watching a school destroyed, or a finish line forever mauled by pain, finding good is hard.<br />
<br />
then it happens.<br />
<br />
i see the ones running <i>into</i> the smoke.<br />
i see the ones carrying strangers out.<br />
i hear that marathoners didn't stop at mile 26 but ran on...on to give blood when they were already weakened by fatigue, exhaustion and utter fear.<br />
<br />
<i>THERE IS THE GOOD. THERE IS LOVE. THERE IS LOVE.</i><br />
<br />
after a morning of distracted work i offer you this reminder.<br />
<i> </i><br />
after the last tear falls<br />
there is love.<br />
love, love, love.<br />
there is love.<br />
love, love, love.<br />
~ andrew peterson<br />
<br />
if you hurt like i do, this is for you.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-38693693092169931422013-03-30T13:19:00.001-07:002013-03-30T13:19:18.024-07:00let love in.
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i’ve done a lot of thinking about love this week. each year
during holy week i try to take a few extra moments and think about what this
week symbolizes for me as a jesus follower. if you frequent this blog or follow
me on social media then you know i’ve tried to put some extra love into the
world this week. why? because for me that is the ultimate gesture of holy week.
there is NO greater love than when a person lays down his/her life for a
friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
holy week is love. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
it is tradition in my faith to explore the words of jesus as
he was being murdered. as i listened to my friends talk about these last
moments in worship i started thinking about what these words mean to me on a
deep and very personal level. but beyond that i started considering my friends
who do not follow jesus. what does this mean for them? how is it relevant to
their lives? do the words matter at all?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
what i find is that jesus is sending a message to each
person that will ever exist. he is expressing hope for anyone willing to
listen. sure, we have our differences but the words he gives hold value for
each of us. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
first, people are stupid sometimes but holding on to
resentment, anger and hate only hurt you! they’re KILLING jesus and he cries
out for THEIR forgiveness. i think he realizes that they don’t fully comprehend
what they are doing. and let’s be honest, when people hurt you and me sometimes
they don’t realize they’re doing it. Even if a few do realize-they’ll probably
never know the depth of pain they cause. but here’s the thing…forgive and move
on. harboring resentment, anger and hatred only effects YOUR freedom. if you
see others living a lifestyle you despise and you disagree with choices they
make. being angry will only hurt you. let it go. let love in. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
second, who cares what you did? there’s love for you! jesus
followers believe him to be a man that didn’t sin. yet, here he is being
murdered between two thieves sentenced to death. one guy looks over at jesus
and simply acknowledges who jesus is. what does jesus do? he extends the same
grace to him that he gives to his most faithful followers. WHO CARES WHAT YOU
DID?! we all make mistakes but grace still applies. let love in.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
numero tres, you don’t have to be alone! jesus sees his
mother and his dearest friend grieving. so at the very heart of his agony he
made sure they weren’t left alone. “mom, treat him like your son! friend, treat
her like your own mother!” you don’t have to be alone. you are made for
friendship, companionship and community. let love in.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4<sup>th</sup>,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>every
body hurts and feels abandoned sometimes. we all feel alone sometimes.
abandonment is an issue that so many of us experience. friends leave. partners
leave. family members leave. this is not the end. life is a journey and we’re
always moving forward. feeling alone is not a reflection of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">who you are</i>, it’s a reflection of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">what you need</i>. feeling alone doesn’t
mean something is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">wrong</i> with you, it
means something isn’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">right </i>in your
situation. let love in.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
fifth, i’m still human. and aren’t we all? i believe there
are times in life that we have to endure the hardest, most agonizing moments
knowing that those moments are making us better humans, better friends, better
family members…JUST BETTER. and sometimes in those moments we’re aware this is
happening but guess what – you’re still human and it’s still okay to admit that
you have needs. someone will be there. just ask. let love in.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
six, i’m done. it’s okay to give up sometimes. perhaps
that’s exactly what you need to do, maybe it’s time. i’m not talking about
death. no, hear me…sometimes you’ve done all you can do in a situation.
sometimes you try and try then try some more and you’re exhausted. it’s ok.
walk away but when you do, don’t forget - let love in. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
lastly, i’m trusting someone higher to finish this and i
know THE GOOD PART IS ON THE WAY! jesus basically says, “father, i’m trusting
you with my very being” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
life is hard, we trudge through. we hit the bottom. we hurt.
we lose people and we gain more people. pain can make us lose faith – faith in
love, friendship, humanity and just simply goodwill. but even after we’ve been
through hell we still have to find someone to trust. let love in. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
i think this is the point where these words become cyclical.
you have to forgive, realize you’re worth it, find community, know it’s okay to
be human and give up some of the toxic relationships in life BUT trust that
someone has your best in mind. if you get hurt again: forgive, realize you’re
wo - - you get the picture. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
i know jesus’ words have so many different lessons and
meanings. but this week, this is what they speak to my heart.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
maybe i hear the forgiveness and humanity in christ’s words
because this week i have heard so much condemnation and hate. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
during a week that celebrates the ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF
LOVE, a week that the this great act of love is in the spot light, we allowed
division to overshadow truth. did we miss an opportunity to show love in the
shadow of the cross? did we neglect the expression of acceptance that jesus
extends to each and every human soul no matter what? did we failed to let love
in? jesus doesn’t make exceptions, he loves.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
he loves each person that painted facebook red and fought
for equality this week. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
he loves each person that opposes marriage equality.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
he loves you if you are attracted to someone of the same
sex.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
he loves you if you are attacted to the opposite sex. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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i don’t deny you the right to express your belief system no
matter what it demands. however, i am a jesus follower and i believe that his
message is love. i believe the words that he spoke during his execution were
meant for you. for me. for everyone. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
forgiveness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
grace.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
companionship.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
hope.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
inclusion.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
freedom.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
trust.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
if you’re reading please know that you are loved. these
words were for you, no matter what you believe, who you love, where you are.
this is for you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
let love in. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*this post sparked by this phrase: “the end of fear is where
we begin. the moment we decided to let love in.” ~ goo goo dolls*</div>
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<br /></div>
carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-28502430728139124082013-03-25T15:26:00.001-07:002013-03-25T15:26:41.304-07:00celebration.
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On Good Friday of 2012 I heard a question that still sparks
my thoughts to this day. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do you celebrate the violence of the cross or do you
celebrate the power of the resurrection?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have thought about this numerous times throughout the year
and I believe that during Holy Week this question must be revisited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The cross without the resurrection is simply
another act of Roman capital punishment. Good Friday without Easter Sunday is
merely the death of a prophet. But this question of the celebration of violence
vs. power has become deeper and more personal to me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do I celebrate the violence? Do I focus on the condemnation
that was hailed at Jesus during his sentencing? Am I living a life that shouts
hatred and injustice to the world around me? Am I the voice that says you must
be punished for the mistakes of this world? Do I hurl unfounded accusations at
my neighbor? Have I become a person that will stand idly by and watch the
innocent beaten and abused? Will I accept the obvious evils and murderous
attitudes because I am willing to simply ride the wave of public opinion? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The violent cross is not the end of the story. Resurrection
power came.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do I celebrate the power?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do I focus on the spaces that are filled with the light of grace? Am I
living in a way that shouts forgiveness to the world around me? Am I the voice
that speaks mercy to the corrupt? Do I hurl a message of love at my neighbor?
Have I become the person that will actively fight for those who can no longer
fight for themselves? Will I be an advocate for the injustice of this world in
the face of public opinion? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember the pain and violence of the cross. But this
week, I will celebrate the power of grace, mercy and resurrection. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What will you celebrate?</div>
carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-44094310398481742062013-03-18T10:56:00.002-07:002013-03-18T10:56:59.382-07:00steubenville. i've been on quite the hiatus from this blog and maybe soon i can share some of that but let's forget about my lack of consistency for today and talk about something way more important.<br />
<br />
steubenville.<br />
<br />
i honestly don't know where to start...<br />
<br />
maybe i should start with our culture and how sexually driven it is. if i were to start there i would talk about entertainment and how kids (especially girls) are objectified and sexualized at such a young age. i would mention how i see pics on facebook of 5-6-7 year old girls posing like models. i would talk about how comments only feed this monster that says body type, clothes, looks, make-up & pretty hair give you worth. maybe i could mention the way girls and young women are led to believe that being bigger than a size 4 is fat and undesirable. i could talk about how the evils of airbrush and photo shop have given women of all ages a completely warped view of beauty.<br />
<br />
but maybe i should start with our complete and utter obsession with sports and how this rivals and equates to the first subject. in the same way girls are led to believe they find worth in outer beauty, pants size or skin tone: boys are pressured to find worth in athletic ability. and when a child is found with great talent that is exploited in many cases. i could mention how we have created a culture that says sports stars can do no wrong. at that point i would talk about how it started on a professional level and has trickled down. there could be a place here to throw in the fact that the big red football players of steubenville were protected by a coach and community simply because they played football. i would've also thrown in at that point...this did not excuse the behaviors BUT IT SURE DIDN'T HELP. i could've talked about how i work with kids and how kids will do a lot of things if they know there are no consequences. and then that would be a prime time to talk about some of the reasons kids are led to believe star athletes are exempt from rules and laws. oh i don't know, maybe, i could've mentioned there the way we've allowed professionals to commit crimes of assault/domestic violence but slapped their hands, given them a "no-no" & put them back on the court/field in time for the game. <br />
<br />
but maybe those aren't the best ways to start. <br />
<br />
alright, let's try the "she was intoxicated" route. i don't think i would've had a lot to say about that one except maybe i would've turned the coin there and asked for just a little imagination... there's a group of boys at a summer party and let's imagine one of them is passed out drunk. now imagine this...a few of the other boys think it would be funny to maybe beat the crap out of him, maybe pee on him, maybe they take all his clothes off and take some pics of him. even more boys find this HILARIOUS so they take a video and really insult the passed out kid and play it up on twitter. of course there are lots of texts going around about it too because, let's face it...this is funny! a little bit later our john doe sobers up and realizes he has a broken nose and maybe a couple broken ribs. well, john, sorry about your luck. you couldn't tell them to stop so they had EVERY RIGHT to do all those things. it would be a bad idea to talk about this, john, because you'd probably lose friends and don't forget...those guys are really REALLY good at basketball and might have a career in the NBA someday. let's not put a damper on that with a juvenile assault charge, okay john, it was all in good fun. you don't want to be the reason we don't go to state this year do you? i didn't think so...just suck it up.<br />
<br />
but even after all that...i still don't know where to start. <br />
<br />
i'm not sure my infuriated ranting would do any good anyway. but this, i AM sure of:<br />
<br />
i know guys who were great high school athletes, some of them are professionals and they are OUTSTANDING men. you can use your talent to be great. it is YOUR talent, YOUR influence...make good choices with it.<br />
<br />
and lastly, and probably most importantly:<br />
<br />
i care very deeply for some women who are survivors of sexual assault. as i think of steubenville's jane doe, i pray she meets some friends like mine. they are beautiful women who have fought these battles both externally and internally. they never should've had to fight but they are ALIVE AND THRIVING! they are professionals, they are mothers, they are wives, they are exceptional friends & they inspire me every day. <br />
<br />
can i change our obsessive, subjective, permissive culture?<br />
<br />
maybe not in a day but it's why i work with kids. <br />
<br />
i am certain i can change it for one of them.<br />
<br />
and so can you. <br />
carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-28792858871063608622012-11-15T11:46:00.000-08:002012-11-15T11:46:07.549-08:00an apologyso earlier today i read a blog post about artists and social media. in this article the blogger basically said, in a nutshell:<br />
<br />
you should be yourself online BUT you should be careful sharing your social and political views because you don't want to alienate people who are different from you.<br />
<br />
this kind of struck a chord in me for some reason. and two authors that i respect and enjoy were having an exchange about the article. one of the authors responded by saying it is a form of censorship. so, i decided to throw my 2 cents in. my immediate guttural response was (and this is a direct quote of myself):<br />
<br />
"i feel like enjoying art should have nothing to do with the creator's politics let the art speak for itself and understand that the creator is a person allowed to have his/her own opinions."<br />
<br />
this started a long thread between the 3 of us. they said that they don't believe an artist's world view can be separate from his/her art. and i agree 100% and i would never even try to separate the two. so i tried to clarify that i really meant...i know people that would never even pick up some art because they disagree with the artist's lifestyle, politics, or worldview.<br />
<br />
i gave the example that one of my favorite songwriters is openly gay and i know some people that will not even give her a listen because of that social issue. one author pointed out that on the flip side she won't read a certain man's art because he is so anti-gay.<br />
<br />
if you'd like to see that exchange just click on my twitter feed on the right of this post.<br />
<br />
*let me add in here that i loved every second of this thread! i'm a BIG sucker for this kind of debate, i've grown exponentially from these kind of discussions throughout life because i continue to think about it for hours, sometimes days.*<br />
<br />
SO THE REAL REASON I WROTE THIS POST:<br />
<br />
i wrote this to apologize to Rae Carson and Tessa Gratton. don't get me wrong, there's really no need for me to apologize, it was a great discussion and no one said ANYTHING mean, harmful, or defensive. but as i continued to think about it i realized, i was a little hypocritical.<br />
<br />
i'm not a published author. i don't have a record deal. this means i don't have an agent, manager or publicist influencing what i say online. many of my friends do.<br />
<br />
i don't have any of that and yet i censor myself online all the time. i keep opinions, views, even jokes to myself because of my job. or because i know that i have family/friends with different views. honestly i don't do this because i'm afraid people won't like me. mostly i don't want to justify myself. i don't want to have to explain myself.<br />
<br />
bottom line...i don't want to be vulnerable. <br />
<br />
one of the last tweets i sent in the thread was this:<br />
<br />
"personally, i would rather know the "real" artist."<br />
<br />
i'm really sorry, ladies. i'm never "fake" online but i'm definitely not always the "real" me either. i do this as a result of wanting the easy road or protection from vulnerability.<br />
<br />
you guys have agents and a huge online following...you are much braver than me!<br />
<br />
maybe someday we can talk about how much transparency in social media is too much and maybe someday we can do this over drinks! <br />
<br />
thanks for making me think! <br />
<br />
<br />carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-84666169524512111662012-11-10T14:12:00.001-08:002012-11-10T14:44:29.291-08:00guilt vs. sledge hammeralmost a year ago a story started eating its way into my mind. but not just my mind, into my emotions. honestly, at first i thought it was just because so many of my friends are writers. i love being with my writer friends, i love the energy, i love the creativity, and i love how encouraging they are. naturally as a creative person i began to think about their craft. all my life i've created scenarios in my mind. i've created songs. i've had sparks for sitcom ideas. i like to let children help me re-create fairytales. but the thing that sets me apart is i've never written anything beyond the short stories required for creative writing in high school or the poems that stem from my emotional rants, at times.<br />
<br />
enter guilt.<br />
<br />
i feel guilty that i haven't desired to be a writer since i was really young. i have this sense of guilt/shame that people will try to say i'm simply trying to fit in. or i'm just trying to follow someone else's path.<br />
<br />
in this particular situation i think the largest amount of guilt stems from this: the dream i HAVE had since i was a child is to be a full time singer/songwriter. this has translated in my mind to mean that i have to do ONE OR THE OTHER. i have lied to myself by saying that if i give time to writing a novel it will take valuable time away from songwriting. i don't want to be a failure as a songwriter at the expense of dabbling in novel writing. <br />
<br />
you may consider this guilt silly or unnecessary. this type of guilt may be foreign to you. if so, i'm really glad! guilt/shame (which seem to go hand-in-hand) really, really suck.<br />
<br />
the story that lives in my head is the telling of this emotion in me. it is the story that gives birth to guilt and shame throughout my life. it's roots are deep.<br />
<br />
what will this story look like? will it come in song form? will it come in novel form? will it EVER TAKE FORM?<br />
<br />
these are questions i'm asking myself. but this much i know for sure...i'm letting myself off the hook. i'm telling myself that it is ok to create in whatever form it comes to me. i am allowing myself to realize that one creative medium doesn't suck the life from the other, they can feed each other. i'm also allowing myself some time. if writing a song today means i don't write any words, so be it.<br />
<br />
i've built myself into a box and honestly...i'm tired of the walls. <br />
<br />
someone toss me a sledge hammer.carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-66997984797491272342012-10-12T21:17:00.003-07:002012-10-12T21:17:55.984-07:00respect.i am concerned about our future generations' lack of respect. i have worked with students for many years now and i always run into the same concern.<br />
<br />
there is a serious lack of respect for authority.<br />
<br />
i'm not going to speculate why. you could argue that it's parents. you could argue it's culture. heck, i guess you could argue it's technology, media, organic milk, vampires or zombies! who knows?!<br />
<br />
but here's what i do know...<br />
<br />
on a night like wednesday, oct 3 or thursday, oct 11....i'm not surprised that kids are disrespectful.<br />
<br />
that's right folks, i'm talking about the presidential and vice presidential debates. and i bet that some of you reading this are getting a little excited right now because you think i'm going to point out how disrespectful one of the candidates was. nope. not gonna do it.<br />
<br />
actually, if you had a little rise in your blood pressure because you thought i was going to bash a candidate...SURPRISE...i <i>may</i> be referring to you.<br />
<br />
(notice the nice <i>italics</i> on the "may" because maybe i'm <i>not</i> referring to you so please don't be offended)<br />
<br />
all i'm saying is that my facebook and twitter feeds were FULL of disrespect both of those nights. there was all kinds of bigotry going around against age, religion, race, socioeconomic backgrounds, etc. and with my very, very wide variety of friends & family (and i LOVE that about you guys) there was plenty on both sides of the aisle.<br />
<br />
i love that i have passionate friends and family but i'm honestly a little embarrassed at times. i've even blocked a few people from my news feed because i just can't take the hateful comments. and trust me, i understand. i'm right there with you!<br />
<br />
(see how i did that, there? you don't know exactly who i'm with. nice, right?)<br />
<br />
but in all seriousness, i'll tell you who i agree with 100%...<br />
<br />
NONE OF THEM.<br />
<br />
and i bet you don't either and that's ok. i'm glad that i don't live in a world where everyone i love thinks like a robot. that would be so boring AND robot voices are just not flattering. <br /><br />
but guys, i've always interpreted paul's writing to mean that we're supposed to respect those in authority. respect. that doesn't mean like, agree with, vote for, financially support, put a sticker on your car... but what it does mean is that we hold a certain esteem for them. i'm sure that respect looks different in different situations, i know that's true.<br />
<br />
but i also know what DISRESPECT looks like.<br />
<br />
when i scrolled through facebook or twitter on debate night it was very clear what disrespect looked like. i don't allow my middle school students to talk about their least favorite teachers in the same manner as some of the comments i read about out government authority figures. if one of my students said something negative about a teacher's age, race, religion or intelligence i would put an end to that before it could get started. and maybe we think it's ok because it's not personal, they'll never read it but that's simply not true.<br />
<br />
we are desensitizing the next generation.<br />
<br />
it is not ok to personally attack a person simply because you don't agree with them. that is bullying. do we really need to go back through history and see where that took us in our past?<br />
<br />
i know this is my own personal rant, i do. but i'm scared for the next generation. social media has made it ok for us to blurt out every little thought and feeling we have for the world to read. and let's be honest, the world DOES NOT need to know every little thought we have.<br />
<br />
FILTER.<br />
<br />
so maybe it <i>is</i> the organic milk, <i>or</i> the zombies. but i think it more likely that our future leaders are being desensitized. we are not modeling respect, to love your neighbor, to do to others what you want them to do to you!<br />
<br />
(yes, i hear you, person that's thinking about campaign ads right now. but seriously, do we want to stoop to that level?)<br />
<br />
ok, so i am now going to take a leap off this giant soap box that i've been typing from and get ready for bed. but...there's almost a month left before the election. go forth and be PASSIONATE! care about this great country! choose a side and fight for it! there are men and women putting their life on the line every single day so that you and i have the simple right to care who leads us.<br />
<br />
please, please accept that great gift and CARE! vote! <br />
<br />
but please, please be aware that future generations are watching us.<br />
<br />
how we handle this matters. it does.<br />
<br />
much love!!carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-91804821447171080022012-08-14T09:03:00.000-07:002012-08-14T09:03:33.643-07:00randomness x 301. I haven't blogged in a long time so I'm just going to throw out a bunch of random thoughts from the last 2 months.<br />
<br />
2. dang it's hot. like real hot.<br />
<br />
3. wow...this is abnormally cool for august.<br />
<br />
4. all this change has really smothered my creativity.<br />
<br />
5. pistachio & honey ice cream is delightful.<br />
<br />
6. I will NEVER understand some people. never.<br />
<br />
7. is that a tick?!?! how did i get a tick?<br />
<br />
8. I'm going to FREAK when we take off in that hot air balloon.<br />
<br />
9. whoa. this hot air balloon is SO smooth, I'm not even a little anxious.<br />
<br />
10. change is hard.<br />
<br />
11. I really like coffee.<br />
<br />
12. I'm glad God has a plan because sometimes I don't even know which way is up.<br />
<br />
13. I would be lost without supportive friends.<br />
<br />
14. my BFF is a rock star author. a HARPER COLLINS rock star author.<br />
<br />
15. baby's smell good<br />
<br />
16. It's really hard to watch your parents age.<br />
<br />
17. I need new jeans.<br />
<br />
18. man, today really feels like fall.<br />
<br />
19. I love fall, I'm so ready for it.<br />
<br />
20. I miss El Mazatlan and the people who always surrounded those tables with me.<br />
<br />
21. living alone is uber weird. <br />
<br />
22. baby leopards are THE BEST.<br />
<br />
23. I really wish I had a songwriting partner.<br />
<br />
24. I wonder what interesting info lies in my family history?<br />
<br />
25. It's so easy to paint our past in such a beautiful light when we are unsettled in our present.<br />
<br />
26. I want to be great.<br />
<br />
27. seriously?!?!<br />
<br />
28. I love my dog.<br />
<br />
29. oh my goodness, chicken sandwiches can be SO CONTROVERSIAL.<br />
<br />
30. I love Jesus. I love people. I am so glad my job is to love, not to judge.carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-19945385038050993092012-06-07T08:51:00.000-07:002012-06-08T19:39:02.877-07:00change.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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thought it was time for an update so i decided to do a video blog. all the cool kids call it a vlog but i'm not sure i'm that cool....yet.<br />
<br />
i particularly love the face that youtube decided to freeze frame on. you're welcome.carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-29468710613499130932012-04-22T23:05:00.000-07:002012-04-22T23:07:47.581-07:00peace is a melodyso....it's been forever since i've written. so sorry, you guys. there's been a lot going on in my life. sometime in late february/early march the staff at the church i serve got the news that the financial climate of our church has not been great. we were told that there was a real possibility for budget cuts. these cuts could be in programming, salaries or even positions.<br />
<br />
it was at that point that fear really began to set in. i love all my co-workers. but the team of student ministers (children, youth & college)...we are close, they are my family. the fear was yelling that my family could be wounded.<br />
<br />
fear destroys creativity.<br />
<br />
from my stand point the possibility that i may lose my job was REAL. i was the last person added to our church staff so in my mind it would make sense that i may be one of the first to go. as time went on there wasn't really a lot more information given. a few weeks later we were assured that the financial problem was only growing worse and the pending fate was still real and alive.<br />
<br />
this waiting game has been like watching a storm rise in the distance. you can see it coming. the darkness bares witness to change. you can literally feel the change around you. the very scent in the air says something is coming. but as you watch...and feel...and smell all you can do is wait, anticipate...fear. <br />
<br />
will this storm destroy anything?<br />
will it blow over?<br />
will i find safety?<br />
if it misses me, who will it hit?<br />
is my family safe?<br />
<br />
the dark cloud that has been rolling in finally broke this past week. and boy has it been a storm. i didn't lose my job but one of my family did. just like that...the storm comes and is gone. you assess the damage and the rebuilding begins.<br />
<br />
so back to that whole fear and creativity thing. a side effect of fear in my life is a feeling of being paralyzed. of lying dormant. being stagnate.<br />
<br />
fear destroys creativity.<br />
<br />
i haven't really been able to write. no songs. no blogs. no chapters. no words. but i HAD to find a release, there HAD to be a way for the cry of my heart to be heard. i think one of the coolest things about my Creator and how He knows me is that He doesn't pressure me to have all the right words or answers...ever. i didn't have to have the right words for the looming storm of my life. my sweet Father knew i was empty. He knew my heart so He sent these words to me...<br />
<br />
when the pieces seem too shattered, to gather off the floor<br />
and all the seems to matter is i don't feel you anymore<br />
i need a reason to sing, i need to know that you're still holding the whole world in your hands<br />
when i'm overcome by fear, and i hate everything i know<br />
if this waiting lasts forever i'm afraid i might let go<br />
i need a reason to sing, i need to know that you're still holding the whole world in your hands<br />
will there be a victory...will you sing it over me now<br />
your peace is the melody...will you sing it over me now<br />
<br />
i've listened to "reason to sing" by all sons and daughters more times that i can count because my fear is not my own. this feeling that if my waiting lasts forever i may just let go is not isolated to me alone. this isn't a new thing for my Creator. He's still holding my world in His hands.<br />
<br />
today marked the 5 year anniversary for the worship service where i have led in song since day one. today also marked the last day i will lead there. today i stood among family and we realized the worst storms bring damage. but we also realized that we serve a Creator and sometimes out of the rubble and debris there are treasures to find and hope to rebuild.<br />
<br />
in the midst of the storm it is hard to judge what lies ahead.<br />
<br />
but i am certain... <br />
<br />
there will be a victory.<br />
my Creator's peace is a melody sung over me.<br />
He holds my world in His hands.<br />
i have a reason to sing.<br />
<br />
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<br />carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-63222204750644010332012-02-22T11:55:00.000-08:002012-02-22T11:55:20.384-08:00bi polar.no,don't stop reading, i'm not going to talk about a chemical imbalance that causes extreme changes in mood from depression to manic. however, i am going to talk about extremes.<br />
<br />
i feel like i live in a world of extremes. some i'm willing to share here with the intraweb and some i'm not. some of them are silly, for instance...my bedroom is usually pretty messy. it's getting better because i made it part of my new year's resolution to keep it manageable and so far, so good. but i can lay down at night in the midst of clothes all over my floor and on my chair but i CAN NOT go to sleep if all my dresser drawers aren't completely shut and my closet door is open. this is a bi polar post, not an OCD post so that's all i'm going to say about that.<br />
<br />
my silly bedtime quirks are not the reason i was compelled to write today. i feel these extremes in bigger places too.<br />
<br />
i feel this great desire for stability. financial stability, relational stability, spiritual stability, etc... but at the same time i have these great desires to uproot, move myself to east nashville, and live the life of the "starving artist" until i can actually make money with my vocal cords and guitar.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KLV0M1O8zRg/T0UtZ4kl0VI/AAAAAAAAAFo/9LFJ8J2OZqI/s1600/photo%281%29.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KLV0M1O8zRg/T0UtZ4kl0VI/AAAAAAAAAFo/9LFJ8J2OZqI/s320/photo%281%29.JPG" width="320" /></a>i have a great desire to embrace my inner rock star and look like pink. yes, that pink. the one with platinum hair, piercings, tattoos...the whole sha-bang! but i also have a desire to look i work at a church (because i do). so instead the contrast is usually pretty extreme...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
however, the one place my "disorder" shows up the most is in my music. this is not a genre battle. am i going to sound this way or that way? no, that's not it at all, this battle has been more internal for me.<br />
<br />
for more than 10 years now i have led worship in some shape or form. i love it. i love leading with a full band, i love "coffee shop" style with a trio of friends. i love doing it alone, just me and a guitar. i love the rush of hearing several hundred people singing along with me. i love hearing a classroom of chinese students. i love hearing <i>my</i> students. i love it when it's just me in a room all alone. so, where does that fit into today's rant about bi polarism?<br />
<br />
well...i've done a LOT of thinking about who i am as an artist. and honestly i hope i'm having this battle until the day i die. i want to continue challenging myself. how can we ever grow if not challenged?<br />
<br />
i'm not a huge fan of popular christian music. i think a huge part of this stems from the fact that, in general, i like more folk/americana/indie/acoustic stuff. (of course we all have our guilty pleasures like the above mentioned, pink) so i decided that i wouldn't write "christian" songs...on purpose. i decided i would write songs, as a christian, but not christian songs. i wouldn't omit my faith completely, but i also wouldn't display it like some obnoxious trophy. no use of christanese at all.<br />
<br />
so that's what i did on contradictions. no worship songs included and no blatant christian themes. the closest i came was with "again" but it's still not an overload. and then i started really tackling the question of why do i have this dream of being a full-time musician? fame? fulfillment? love of music? after seriously pondering this question here's what i came up with:<br />
<br />
<i><b>music has inspired me in so many ways throughout my entire life. i want my words to inspire others. i want my words to tell stories the way i love to hear stories.</b></i><br />
<br />
next step, who inspires me? i figure if i want to inspire others i need to find out what inspires me, what speaks to me, what makes me want to be a better me. this is where the bi polar part comes in. i've spent all this time deciding that i needed to be totally vague about my spirituality in my music. i need to let it be an underlying tone but without saying it out loud.<br />
<br />
are you ready for this big revelation? <br />
<br />
i'm inspired by both. i'm inspired by artists who have underlining themes of faith, grace & love. artists who never have to blatantly say it but it's there. AND i'm inspired by those openly write about faith, struggle, grace & and the love of our Savior. i made a preposterous decision to keep the two parts of me at opposite ends of the spectrum.<br />
<br />
i became a bi polar. <br />
<br />
how do you treat bi polarism? find a way to keep the two poles on a more equal, even keel. i can write both, and that's ok. <br />
<br />
some of you sitting out there may be reading this and are now disappointed that you've invested this much time to get to this point because, DUH. i understand that. but let's be honest. we all live the bi polar life in some area. your's may not be how to express your faith (or not) through music. you may think pink looks RIDICULOUS (but please, really? she's a rock goddess. girl can sing...hanging upside down...dipped in water...HELLO.) but you <i>do</i> have something.<br />
<br />
so in whatever area of life your bi polar monster shows up...beat it. there is an even keel. you can mix the two. trust me, living a balanced life brings more peace. and, come on, who doesn't want more peace?<br />
<br />
peace, balance & love to you!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>BONUS! </b>i thought i'd leave you with some of my favorite inspiring lyrics, enjoy!<br />
<br />
"there's a peace that passes understanding coursing through the blood in my veins. still is my soul." ~ jill phillips<br />
<br />
"oh speak now for my soul is listening-say that you have saved me-whisper in the dark-'cause i know you're more than my salvation- without you i am hopeless-tell me who you are- you are the keeper of my heart" ~ audrey assad<br />
<br />
"oh, the outcast dreams of acceptance just to find pure love's embrace-like an orphan longs for his mother may you hold me in your grace" ~ the civil wars<br />
<br />
"it seems that all my bridges have been burnt-but you say that's exactly how this grace thing works-it's not the long walk home that will change this heart-but the welcome I receive with the restart" ~ mumford & sons<br />
<br />
"and oh, there is nowhere left to go from here-i have fallen past the last frontier-but at the bottom of the well i hear you breathing-love below me, love around me, love above me, oh love has found me, love has found me here." ~ andrew peterson<br />
<br />
"hey you with the rainbow flag, i can hear you say-you don't belong here, not if you're gay-although we all fall short, i guess they still believe some people fall too far for grace to reach-just when i start to think they've got it all wrong that's when i realize the truth-maybe they're right you don't belong here-you deserve to be where there are people that care-instead of a world that shouts from the high road-saying we love like God but you don't belong here" ~ jill phillips<br />
<br />
<br />
okay....i could go on and on but i'll stop for now! if you've never heard of one of the artist i quoted...fix that.carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-10595484695332135632012-02-14T13:44:00.000-08:002012-02-14T13:44:46.887-08:00love.well, it's valentine's day again. i have to be honest, i'm not a fan. i know, i know...you're thinking it's because i'm single right? well it is true that in the many years that i have lived through a v-day on approximately 11% of those days i have celebrated with a significant other. but that's not the reason that i'm not a fan.<br />
<br />
i actually love love. i think love should be celebrated. and, without getting into the theology of things, i think the beatles were right on when they said "all you need is love." <br />
<br />
but love at it's root is only positive. yes, love can be tough. loving is not easy. but even it's toughest, most trying forms the truth of the matter remains...<br />
<br />
when someone loves you enough to take the tough side of things, they still love you.<br />
when love is hard and you continue to fight for it, you love someone.<br />
even having loved and lost is worth it because you were loved and you loved another.<br />
<br />
i like to live my life full of passion. a passion for music. a passion for words. a passion for faith. a passion for family. a passion for friendships. and what is passion if not one of the most freeing forms of love?<br />
<br />
that brings us to valentine's day.<br />
<br />
this day is commercial. is love truly proven when someone else is dictating what you should say and do? is paying $150 for the same roses that were $24.99 a month ago love? is a stuffed bear holding a heart full of chocolate love? is it?<br />
<br />
i'm honestly posing the question here. because for some people this may be love and who am i to judge. but here's what i know, or at least i think i know...<br />
<br />
on a day that is solely about love i know A LOT of people that feel a lot of things outside of love today: insecure, alone, inadequate, hopeless, unloved, and just plain sad. there's even a movement to call this Singles Awareness Day (SAD) among the singles of the world. because for those of us who find ourselves without a mate on this day, we are VERY AWARE that we do not have a mate. there is no getting away from the red, pink, the hearts, and the CHOCOLATE. <br />
<br />
is this love? <br />
<br />
please hear me. if you have a love please, please tell them today. but tell them tomorrow and in june and october and every other day of the year!<br />
<br />
i'm not a valentine's day hater. like i said, i'm actually a huge advocate of love in all it's forms. i've participated in v-day and i hope to again someday. but this is why, even as a participant, i'm still not a big fan of the commercialism. because on approximately 89% of the valentine's days in my life i have found myself at home. and i'm not the only one.<br />
<br />
so here's my whole point. be aware of those around you. if you know someone sitting at home tonight while you have dinner with your love, send them a text! tell them they are loved! enjoy your night but remember those around you.<br />
<br />
i'm spending tonight at home with some great television, a great book, my sweet puppy, my dear friend and roomie, some good food and a cupcake with a ridiculous amount of cream cheese icing!<br />
<br />
i feel great because i know that my love doesn't come from roses or chocolate or dinner or stuffed animals. the love of my creator sustains me and makes me whole.<br />
<br />
happy valentine's day everyone! you truly are loved beyond measure!! and let's face it, valentine's day is cheaper when you're single!carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-68952046293163743452012-02-08T14:44:00.000-08:002012-02-08T14:44:32.213-08:00fat.i've been a little under the weather and this time i'm actually blaming the weather. 65 degrees one day 30 the next, crazy times. maybe the weather is the true apocalypse that the mayans should have been warning us about!<br />
<br />
i digress.<br />
<br />
back to that whole sick thing. when i'm sick i just want to lay on the couch, like most people do i assume. so that's what i do but that gets a little boring sometimes but i know as soon as i raise my head from that pillow i will regret it. so instead i read, get lost in youtube, watch stupid television that i wouldn't normally watch, etc... so i decided to see if one of my favorite actors had any new interviews so i googled her.<br />
<br />
sara ramirez. sara is a graduate of julliard, she originated the role of spamalot's "the lady of the lake" on broadway (and received a tony for it), was approaced by abc execs and offered a run on any abc show-her choice. she was offered a full-time spot and has been grey's anatomy's dr. callie torres ever since.<br />
<br />
so why am i writing about sara now? she is a very beautiful, sexy, talented actor/singer and... <br />
<br />
SHE IS NOT A SIZE 2!<br />
<br />
first of all, if you just begin typing sara ramirez into google one of the first options you get is "sara ramirez weight." this, in and of itself, just blows me away. so monday evening with all my sick time on my hands i decided to take a look.<br />
<br />
the first article i read was an interview with sara in which she tackles the subject of being a "size 12 in a size 0 town." she talks about how her mother struggled with weight and body image and as a child she was subjected to that lifestyle. she says that after she realized she wanted to be an actor she basically starved herself living off of celery and over exercising. sara says that going from broadway where she did 8 very physical shows a week to hollywood where there was catered food at all times resulted in her gaining 25 pounds during her first season. it was somewhere around this time that grey's anatomy asked her to do this scene...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/2RrTQVBw-gQ?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
sara said she went to the show's creator, shonda rhimes and said "are you sure, i've cottage cheese all over the place." shonda basically told her to WORK IT! (props to you, shonda! another reason i love grey's!) sara's best friend died several years ago and she said it was at that point she really got over herself and began to love her for her. she embraced who she is. she decided being healthy was the important thing.<br />
<br />
now to the really frustrating part.<br />
<br />
once i opened the next google entry i realized it wasn't an interview but a blog, much like my own. HOWEVER, in this blog the writer decided she was going to write about sara's weight and one of the first things she said, point blank...sara is fat. the author goes on to say that she can say that because she's fat too and she's not saying it as an insult but a compliment. she even goes as far as posting a pic of sara while on broadway and sara a year later after her admitted weight gain to "prove" sara is fat.<br />
<br />
how is this okay?<br />
<br />
you are really ugly. no, it's okay because i, myself, am ugly.<br />
or...hey, you seem pretty stupid. i'm stupid too! isn't that a compliment!<br />
your art sucks. no, really, it's a compliment because my art sucks too.<br />
you're a horrible wife. no really, i know...i'm a horrible wife too.<br />
you deserve that abuse. no, it's okay...i deserve it too.<br />
you are so skinny. yeah, it's a compliment...i'm anorexic too.<br />
<br />
where is the line drawn? <br />
<br />
it is obvious to me from the few things i read that sara ramirez has definitely had a struggle with self image and weight. why would anyone think calling her fat was okay?<br />
<br />
i think maybe at the heart of the blog the writer was trying to say, "wow, she's not a size 2 and she's gorgeous. i'm so glad others who are real sized women have a role model" BUT that is not what she said at all. instead she insulted another person's size, a person that had admittedly struggled with self image. i pray she never read that blog because not only was she repeatedly called fat...there were pictures for proof!<br />
<br />
let me finish this blog by saying. from the first moment i saw sara ramirez i have never, NEVER thought of her as fat. i have only admired her: her voice, her talent, and her confidence.<br />
<br />
let us be mindful of those around us. whether they be famous or not.<br />
let us not make ourselves feel better at the expense of others.<br />
let us take time to learn a person's story before we jump to conclusions.<br />
finally and most importantly...<br />
<br />
LET US LOVE OURSELVES ENOUGH TO DANCE AROUND IN OUR UNDERWEAR!!<br />
(and let us be thankful there aren't about 10 cameras pointing at us!)carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-45807454884919532572012-01-27T23:37:00.000-08:002012-01-27T23:52:05.824-08:00a case study: dream dementiadream demetia.<br />
<br />
this is a condition that inflicts many. i'm not an expert on a lot of things but i know dream demetia. it has several stages. each stage can be recurring and a person can switch between stages without warning. sometimes there are triggers that spark a stage or symptom. however, in my expert opinion, symptoms most commonly appear without warning.<br />
<br />
this case study will review the stages along with factual information of symptoms and/or triggers.<br />
<br />
stages are not listed in any particular order. they may occur randomly and at any time.<br />
<br />
<b>HAVE DREAM! MUST ACCOMPLISH!</b><br />
<br />
this first stage most commonly occurs in a person's late teens and early twenties. however, in cases (or case) that i have studied there is a 100% chance of recurrence. this is the point in dream dementia, or dd, when the subject has an AHA moment (all rights to "aha moment" used without permission from Oprah Winfrey). in this moment the subject will realize that he or she does, in fact, have a dream and they must accomplish it immediately.<br />
<br />
symptoms inclue:<br />
-tears<br />
-laughter<br />
-giggles<br />
-speechlessness<br />
-arms flailed<br />
-face-palm<br />
-head-desk<br />
-uncontrolled urination<br />
-heightened sense of self worth<br />
-heightened sense of invincibility<br />
-extreme self confidence<br />
<br />
this stage can appear in smaller versions throughout all other stages. however, the severity will be greatly weakened by the negativity of other stages. negativity will most certainly diminish the symptoms of this stage.<br />
<br />
in my study of dj (names chaged due to HIPAA and to protect the suffering) there have been at least two defined cases of "have dream-must accomplish." the first occurrence was in the subject's early 20's. she was in a bookstore and saw a video of a woman performing in front of a large audience. the subject reports that she experienced tears, speechlessness, and giggles. dj reports in that moment she told a witness, "that's what i'm supposed to do." she realized that she had a dream to sing in front of a large crowd and she was determined to make that dream come true. this is a classic example of the "have dream-must accomplish" stage of dd. often at this point confidence is very high and even the most logical arguments are excused due to the adrenaline of the dream realization. dj has agreed to guest blog about her second experience at a later date.<br />
<br />
<b>HAD DREAM. MISPLACED IT.</b><br />
<br />
this stage is quite possibly the most disheartening for the sufferer. often the daily routine of life, self-doubt, and criticism of others can bring a person from "have dream-must accomplish" to the "had dream-misplaced it" stage quickly and without warning. perhaps even more often, a person may realize that many years have passed since they experienced the moment that caused arms to flail or loss of urine control. this realization will resolve into a period of hopelessness, self-pity and/or self loathing.<br />
<br />
some common phrases associated with this stage are:<br />
-i'm too old for [said dream] now. <br />
-i've wasted so much time doing [insert other life task].<br />
-i couldn't do [said dream] anyway! i'm very busy with [other life task]!<br />
<br />
in my study of dj, this stage's symptoms where at the worst following a failed marriage in which the subject felt very lost and her identity was uncertain. her loss of identity, misplacement of personality and the lack of support from her partner were great factors and were in close correlation to her misplaced dream. the subject reports that this stage lasted for many years. even during rare times when the dream would slightly resurface, self doubt would again achieve greater precedence and in the end snuff out any slight spark of hope. in dj's case the unending support of friends was pivotal in the reappearance of hope over and over again. the subject does report the small hope of her dream on the horizon during this time but negativity killed all hope, as suspected.<br />
<br />
<b>HAVE DREAM! WHAT NOW?!?!</b> <br />
<br />
this stage is quite the conundrum. studies have shown that, in a healthy person, the majority of time is spent in this stage. this stage of dd is both cognitively and emotionally confusing. there is: excitement and dread, peace and confusion, freedom and bondage, realization and questions, strength and weakness, hope and fear.<br />
<br />
some questions associated with this stage are:<br />
-now what?<br />
-where do i go from here?<br />
-will this ever matter?<br />
-am i good enough?<br />
-will i ever be good enough?<br />
-what if i am a complete failure?<br />
-what if i am a huge success?<br />
-am i doing all that i can?<br />
-can i do more?<br />
<br />
many subjects will become so comfortable in this stage that he or she will be content to live there for a very long time. it proves an easy task to live within one's comfort zone. becoming content and comfortable often results in a recurrence of had dream-misplaced it phase. studies have shown that accountability proves a good remedy. as long a person has someone pushing him or her toward the dreams the probability of falling into a more negative place decreases. <br />
<br />
dj reports that she currently resides in this phase. she admits to all symptoms. she is thankful for a group of friends who keep her accountable and encourage her to work on her dream consistently. she reports that in the past few months she has taken great strides in accomplishing her dream (as evidenced to the right of this post). she also reports that she is both comfortable and discontent at present. this mixture of emotions results in a willingness to continue growth in her current tasks at hand AND continue to pursue every dream. she even reports that the pursuit of one dream has lead to the realization of another. this is common in this stage of dd. once a subject has taken a small step toward dream fulfillment, he or she will realize there is no limit. you can dream as big as you can imagine. a person will realize that his or her creator really is able to do way, way more than she can ever ask or even think.<br />
<br />
<b>HAVE DREAM. DREAM ACHIEVED! </b><br />
<br />
currently no data. more information to come.<b> </b> <br />
<br />
in conclusion, if you or someone you know suffers from dream dementia, this is common. you are not alone. strive to live in the stage where dreams are accepted and pursued. when you find yourself in a place of negativity remember to seek out friends who will help guide you back in the right direction. the expectation is that <i>your</i> creator wants to do more than you can even imagine too!carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-60094255258282122102012-01-14T15:17:00.000-08:002012-01-14T15:17:15.456-08:00the dance.i've been reading a friend's pre-published manuscript. at the heart of the story it is a timeless love story with some amazing twists and turns. as i was reading i was so inspired by the story that i literally had to stop in the middle and play guitar. as i played the melody in my head the lyrics that continued to take over were not my own. they lyrics belong to a guy named tony arata.<br />
<br />
as you guys have already read, my dear friend passed away. during that time i sang this song over and over as i grieved. i even quoted it at the end of my memorial blog. the thing i learned later...mark's brother, danny, sang this song at the memorial. such a powerful and beautiful song.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/ffLpY3DF588?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>i am so thankful for music that speaks to your soul. i am also thankful for beautiful stories that do the same. so thanks to tony arata for the beautiful lyrics and thank you to rae ann parker for the beautiful story and loving friendship.carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-59076712920286294572012-01-04T18:32:00.000-08:002012-01-04T18:32:56.556-08:00mark.you know there are those people in your life that just simply leave an impression. they shape who you are in some way.<br />
<br />
mark haddock was one of those people for me. <br />
<br />
my two oldest sisters married brothers and they had younger brothers. i can't remember a time that danny and mark weren't part of my life. when i was a child they would visit in the summer for multiple weeks. mark and i spent a lot of time together those summers. mark was 3 years older than me and we were close, he was literally the brother i never had. one summer we were really into playing card games. you see, one thing mark and i had in common we were both cursed with poor eye sight. we had glasses and we hated them. so there we are playing cards all summer and mark would get so frustrated that i was beating him. he just couldn't figure it out. we were both pretty competitive with each other so i was LOVING it. what mark hadn't realized...i could see his cards reflected in his glasses. yes, i know. i was a cheat. but you have to admit, if you could beat your older "brother" by any means possible wouldn't you? i never told mark.<br />
<br />
by the time we were in high school mark moved to ky from ga. our friendship only grew stronger and i would be lying if i didn't wonder at times if i would be the 3rd schooler to marry one of the brothers! that was a short lived question because it became more and more clear that we were meant to be friends and nothing more. mark was like my brother and i was blessed to have him.<br />
<br />
a few lessons learned from my dear friend:<br />
<br />
- people know you're smoking in the back yard EVEN IF you hide the cigarette butts in the gutter.<br />
- when someone says to you, "it's illegal to pee in the ocean." don't respond with, "oh, ok..i won't do it again." that's exactly what your punk older brother wanted to hear!<br />
- driving record speeds from Atlanta to Lexington only gets you a ticket, not a NASCAR invite.<br />
- it's ok to kiss a great friend....just in case.<br />
- don't pick up a random hand gun at the house of someone you don't know. yes, there's a hole to prove this one.<br />
- laughing until you roll in the floor is the best medicine.<br />
- don't let him and james barker borrow your car. ever.<br />
- once a georgia bulldog...always a georgia bulldog. even if you do live in the more superior sec state. (i can hear his laugh and his very southern bull$%*# right now) <br />
- loving a person is not always easy but it is always right.<br />
- there really is no value that can be placed on true friendship and acceptance.<br />
- you don't have to agree with someone's actions to love them.<br />
- a smile can change someone's day.<br />
- and of course...DO NOT WEAR GLASSES IN A POKER MATCH!<br />
<br />
mark and i grew up and inevitably lost the closeness of our relationship. college took me miles away and we began to grow in different directions. i will never forget the day i came home for mark's engagement party. it was truly bittersweet for me because i had never seen mark so happy and he truly found where he belonged, a struggle that always plagued him. but there was still a small girl inside of me that wanted my great friend to be all mine. did i want mark to marry me? no. did i miss the summers playing cards, tennis, or basketball when it was just us? absolutely. i was so proud of my friend and brother.<br />
<br />
as time went on disease became a part of mark's life. his disease was painful and at times debilitating. i continued to see him on holidays and we would talk about old times and old friends. but i am sad to say that it has been 2 years since i last saw mark. there's no good reason and no bad reason, just life. but i have loved mark my whole life. he was my brother.<br />
<br />
this week my dear brother went on. his pain is over. his suffering is done. my one and only regret is that i didn't have a chance to say good bye. so i am telling you. if you love someone, tell them. take your opportunities to hug them. talk about the good times. laugh until you roll in the floor.<br />
<br />
and mark...i love you friend. you made my life a fuller place to live. i will never forget our time and i can not wait to see you again. i will love you forever. we could've missed the pain but we would've missed the dance.<br />
<br />
p.s. buddy, that shirt really sucks. ;-) good bye, friend.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GmSkcfUJjDE/TwUKBGAbjUI/AAAAAAAAADo/MrbLxMymFqI/s1600/7824_1089290567101_1671593589_189468_5985572_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GmSkcfUJjDE/TwUKBGAbjUI/AAAAAAAAADo/MrbLxMymFqI/s320/7824_1089290567101_1671593589_189468_5985572_n.jpg" width="171" /></a></div>carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-4906040096416279102012-01-02T18:01:00.000-08:002012-01-02T18:01:55.784-08:00where are the hover boards?<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OII1b9LSmZ8/TwFMSdsgjpI/AAAAAAAAADA/8oDFFcBeNS0/s1600/Hoverboard.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OII1b9LSmZ8/TwFMSdsgjpI/AAAAAAAAADA/8oDFFcBeNS0/s320/Hoverboard.png" width="320" /></a>so i've kind of been putting off this "looking back at 2011" post. before i get started let me just say, it is now 2012 so WHERE ARE THESE? <br />
<br />
<br />
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2011, i really don't know what to say about you. i'm not sure i've ever had a year with so many mixed emotions. so...let's skip all the bad stuff like a broken engagement, sister's tumor, dad's stroke, mom's near death/pacemaker experience, and so on and so forth. all that i will say about the negative is...i've learned a lot about myself this year and how i deal with the darkness. i've learned that externally i do okay. i have family and friends that are amazing and supportive. but there is this small fraction of me that looks back after the fact and can see what my coping mechanisms look like. mostly they look like sugar and shopping. yep, i like to eat chocolate and buy stuff i don't need. then in hind sight i get really frustrated at myself because that's not a part of me that i like. but no worries, now that i've made that confession to the ENTIRE INTRAWEB i'm more likely to work on that. i don't usually make a formal list of resolutions, it's more like a list in my head but let me just say that on the top for 2012: find healthier ways to deal.<br />
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enough already with all that!! let's talk about all the amazing things that happened this year instead!<br />
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<b>family</b><br />
if you are one of the 3 people out there that read this blog regularly :-) then you know i've talked about family illness before. but what i haven't said is that my family is amazing. my sisters are amazing. i love each of them for all the same reasons and for very different reasons at the same time. and my parents, what can i say? they've had a rough couple years BUT they're still here, they still love and support me, and they are still the best. we have been so blessed and i don't want to ever fail to say how thankful i am that our Creator is still creating every day in ways that we don't always understand. sometimes as the creation i don't think we are supposed to know the mind of the Creator. we are his to mold...our job is to simply remain as putty in his hands (ooohhh, i feel a song coming out of that).<br />
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<b>friends</b><br />
if i had to give 2011 a nickname it would be something like "The Year of Expanding Friendships" or "The Year Of The Writing Rock Stars" or "What the What??? I Know So Many Past & Future NYT Bestselling Authors" <br />
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all joking aside, this year i have met some really amazing people. there is a community of writers that have welcomed me in as one of their own. they see me as a creative mind. they don't care that i'm writing songs while they are writing children's or young adult novels. i thrive on creative energy so knowing these amazing people has only made me a better songwriter. in fact, a chance meeting with them sparked something in me BUT we'll talk more about that in the next section.<br />
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but my new friendships didn't end with writers! i've have met some truly talented people in so many different fields. i met some pretty amazing songwriters, musicians, producers, baristas, etc...<br />
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and then there are the old friendships. those tested by time. those people that know the best and worst of me and love me anyway. my "framily" (as coined by one of my middle school students) is the best. i am continuously amazed by their love and support. each year we do homemade christmas gifts for each other and i PROMISE you there is no way you could buy something as quality, unique, and special.<br />
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in all aspects of my life i am surrounded by so much talent that i truly and honestly am amazed. sometimes i just sit back and wonder where they all came from and how i got so lucky that i get to call them friends!<br />
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<b>MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC</b><br />
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on superbowl sunday <a href="http://www.quartland.blogspot.com/">Court</a> invited me to hear a talk presented to <a href="http://www.scbwi-midsouth.org/">SCBWI Mid-south</a> about birth order and how it effects character development. that day i met <a href="http://www.rutasepetys.com/">Ruta</a> and started talking about the music industry and songwriting. one of the first things i noticed about Ruta was that she can literally make you think anything is possible. she did it that day and she has every moment i've spent with her since. so i left that day thinking, "hmmm...maybe there <i>is</i> a place for me in the music industry." it wasn't until later when i learned more about her career that i realized, "HOLY CRAP! Ruta is a ROCK STAR!" i am so, so very glad that i didn't know that first day because i'm sure i would have fan-girl geeked out and may have said something like "um...blah." anyway, i digress...<br />
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the combo of Ruta's encouragement, the creative energy that stirs in a room of writers, and the DECADE (literally) of Court telling me i had it in me...it brought something out in me that lay dormant for many many years. in the next couple days i had a song, and then another, and then another. then i joined <a href="http://www.nashvillesongwriters.com/">Nashville Songwriters Association International</a>. i began a journey that ended in a small studio and ultimately the release of Contradictions on Dec. 13, 2011. who knows where i'm going next? no really, if you have ideas for next steps that would be amazing!!haha!<br />
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i also took a nashville number system/songwriting class at Vanderbilt this fall. my instructor was <a href="http://www.thecraftofwritinghitsongs.com/about.html">Odie Blackmon</a> who has multiple #1's and a grammy nom. the class was so much fun and i met some really cool people. i learned a LOT that i didn't know about how things work in nashville but mostly it was just one more confidence booster. most weeks i played one of my original songs in class...let me tell you, that's not intimidating AT ALL! sitting in front of a long time nashville songwriter (not to mention the other writers and musicians in the room) and playing YOUR song. can you say vulnerable?!?! but Odie is an amazing, sweet person and was always so appreciative and complimentary. i'll forever be grateful to my classmates and Odie for making me feel like a REAL singer/songwriter...it's a good feeling.<br />
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<b>2012</b><br />
what's in store for the next year? i'm not real sure but here are a few things i DO know<b>. </b><br />
<b> - </b>i will be a better, healthier me. '11 was the first time in my life i've held a consistent workout schedule but in the fall/winter life happened and my routine lost it's priority status. this will change. <br />
- i will play more live shows. i have an album and now i must step out of the comfort of the studio and into some live music venues. i have a radio show scheduled soon and i'll send out details as soon as i have them. more to come...this is only the beginning!<br />
- i will drink more water. <br />
- i will <a href="http://www.warriordash.com/">WARRIOR DASH!!</a> yes, and i will receive a VIKING HELMET!<br />
- i will be me, always me. i will not compromise who i am.<br />
- i will write more. more songs, more blogs, more lyric journaling, more writing.<br />
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so those are just a few simple things but like i said, i don't usually make a resolution list so this was pretty good for me! so good bye 2011, you were amazing AND sucky but thanks for the lessons learned and the friends made. on to 2012...may it be the best yet!carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-48998707619601410032011-12-08T01:04:00.000-08:002011-12-08T01:11:07.462-08:00release date, pre-order, & a little something FREE!my debut EP, "CONTRADITIONS" IS HERE!! i signed the first set of cds tonight and picked up a few. this was my reaction:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V9AYBwsqnh4/TuB083L_m3I/AAAAAAAAACs/Or1wqNQZtMM/s1600/photo%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V9AYBwsqnh4/TuB083L_m3I/AAAAAAAAACs/Or1wqNQZtMM/s320/photo%25282%2529.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>so as soon as i put the news out on the intraweb the big question started rolling in....when can i get one??? well the answer is RIGHT NOW!!!<br />
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here's how this whole release thingy is going to go down:<br />
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cds:<br />
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if you would like an actual autographed cd (for those of you under 18...that's one of those little shiny round things old people stick in that slot in the dash board) you can buy it now by clicking on that little "buy now" button up on the right. this will redirect you to my PayPal where you can purchase the album for $7.99 plus a small shipping fee. once you do that it will ship out on the release date. if you live near me and would like to pick the cd up from me personally and skip the small shipping fee please <a href="mailto:cjschooler@hotmail.com">click here and email me</a> and we can make that happen for you!<br />
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digital copies:<br />
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if you don't know what a cd is OR you just prefer the digital version you will be able to simply click on that little music player to the right on the release date and it will direct you to my bandcamp website where you can buy and download the album immediately. the word "buy" will show up on the music player on release day!<br />
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so when is this release day i keep talking about? TUESDAY!! on december 13 you can download the entire album and all pre-ordered cds will be mailed. bandcamp.com has this really cool feature where i can set a price but you can choose to donate any amount beyond that. the digital album will kick off at $5 from now until january 1. i'm setting this discounted price for the rest of 2011 because once the new year rolls around the album will hit iTunes, Amazon, CDBaby, etc.<br />
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and now for a little something FREE:<br />
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from now until Tuesday you can download "Contradiction (acoustic version)" for FREE! on the music player to the right you can click on the album cover art and be re-directed to bandcamp for a free download! once you're on my site you'll see that the acoustic version is free and ready for download. i'm so uber excited tonight i had to give you something! and just a heads up...this version of Contradiction is limited, it may not be around forever! <br />
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one last thing.....<br />
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you can hear ALL THE SONGS NOW on the music player. you may not be able to purchase them all yet but you can still listen!! AND YOU CAN SHARE!!! if you click share it will give you options to spread the word about the album. i am shamelessly asking for a share! if you like what you hear and enjoy the free song please, PLEASE share on your blog, twitter, facebook, email, get an umbrella & bird tattoo...you get the picture :)<br />
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thanks so much to all of you for your continued support! this journey has already been amazing and it has only begun!<br />
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much love -<br />
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cj<br />
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signing the stacks...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E5ra5RC4njE/TuB7X0UsZ9I/AAAAAAAAAC0/69LoHFDfxVs/s1600/photo%25283%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E5ra5RC4njE/TuB7X0UsZ9I/AAAAAAAAAC0/69LoHFDfxVs/s320/photo%25283%2529.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-36226781484382736922011-11-17T14:14:00.000-08:002011-11-17T14:14:47.984-08:00contradictions & the O_Oso i recently said on <a href="http://www.twitter.com/cjschooler">my twitter</a> that having my album art makes me feel like this....O_O...my eyes are already big but this is like "deer in the headlights!"<br />
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this is soooo true. this week marks the official end of recording my first album. it is a 7 song EP. EP just means that its not your normal 10+ song length album. one would think that now that i'm finished recording that the O_O would be over...not even close. while i was in the comfort of the studio it was just me, my producer, my instruments and a DELETE key. but now...it is finished. i have put my heart and soul into those 7 songs, they are part of me. they are personal. and now i'm going to let the world see into my heart. cue the O_O!!!!!<br />
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when it comes to something i create i can pick it TO DEATH. if i listen to a song 50 times i can probably hear 50 things that could change. is contradictions (my album title) perfect? no. but i'm kind of glad about that because i'm not perfect either. there are some imperfections that i purposefully left in there. i'm not interested in auto-tuned, squeaky clean perfection. i wanted a reflection of me, a reflection of my emotional outlet.<br />
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so, with that in mind, is contradictions perfect? absolutely. i've put my all in and i'm really proud of it. i can't wait to share it with you guys...but it also makes me feel O_O its scary to put yourself out there! but hey! everyone should be a little dauntless every now and then!carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-49041750267878641982011-10-04T12:38:00.000-07:002011-10-04T12:38:57.705-07:00the awesomeness of lifesometimes life is crazy. crazy i tell ya! since i last blogged my life has been quite the ride. i could talk about the 2 year relationship i ended (that involved a big diamond), or my dad's stroke, or the DC mission trip, or family vacation, or a week of great outdoors camp, or my sister's brain tumor, or...or...or....<br />
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instead i want to talk about the awesomeness of life. i guess saying "instead" is not really a good way to start this part of the story because all those things, good or bad, add to the awesomeness of life. no, it is not awesome that my dad had a stroke or that my sister has a brain tumor. actually a much better way to react to the brain tumor would be the way one of my co-workers did... "well, carla, brain tumors bite a big green wiener." yes, yes they do. however...the initial diagnosis for my dad's stroke was aneurism which would have been much...much worse. just like last year when our initial diagnosis on my mom's 15 pound ovarian tumor was cancer but it turned out to be benign. at this point my sister doesn't even have to get her tumor removed and its causing no symptoms what so ever.<br />
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this is where we come to the "awesomeness of life" part of the blog. in all of those family situations the outcome could have been significantly worse. in reality, over the course of a year and a half i could have lost my mom, dad, and sister...but i didn't. life is awesome. i was engaged and now i'm not. that could've been a horrible break up or worse i could've found myself in an unhappy marriage, a mistake i do not want to make. i'm 100% sure that even though it hasn't been easy and on some days i want to kick myself because i'm single...i made the right decision. 110% sure. this is the awesomeness of life. <br />
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i decided that i have to live for now. i can't hold past mistakes over my head like some kind of guilt punishment. i can live for now. i admit it, sometimes i hold a grudge with myself. sometimes i play the "well i guess you're not happy because you did ____(fill in the blank with the many mistakes of life)____ 10 years ago. that's just crap! the Forgiver has forgiven me...i should too. <br />
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so....i'm living the awesomeness of life. some days are more awesome than others. take thursdays for instance. thanks to the recommendation of the amazing <a href="http://www.rutasepetys.com/">ruta sepetys</a>, on thursday of each week i drive to nashville and i attend a class at vanderbilt university's blair school of music. i love it. just that simple thing feels like forward movement. on top of that, i'm almost finished recording/tracking for my first ever album...forward movement. for creative types, like me (and i wish i was a fraction as creative as my friends), you have to have an outlet. HAVE to. being creative doesn't always pay the bills so most of the creatives i know work a job they <i>LIKE a lot</i> but the job they <i><b>LOVE</b></i> is still out there ahead of them. the creative process is an outlet, an outlet that is necessary for sanity's sake. this truth became very real to me as i listened through the rough mixes of my album. my friend that was listening along looked at me and said "i feel like i should come over there and hug you!" i reassured her that i am ok. emotion is exaggerated in art. and as i previously mentioned my past year has been a bit much. but through the awesomeness of life the crappiness of that year has made some pretty good songs.<br />
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so...all of this rambling on means one simple thing. <b>LIVE LIFE</b>. when the "bites a big green wiener" moments come along pray, love, keep moving forward. sometimes they end up ok, sometimes they don't. but in all the good and the bad, remember life is short. <b>LIVE AND ENJOY THE AWESOMENESS OF LIFE!!!</b>carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1584335967367740152.post-21046361536371591562011-04-18T14:49:00.000-07:002011-04-18T14:49:19.735-07:00creative energyThere's nothing I love more than creative energy. From playing music, to writing melodies & lyrics, to sitting with my amazing writer best friend and talking about things like, "now how do you think she'd say that," or "would someone really react that way here?"<br />
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I love creative energy! This Saturday I attended the SOKY Bookfest for the first time and loved it! Because my best friend is a writer (and very involved in <a href="http://www.scbwi.org/">SCBWI</a>) I got to meet a lot of really sweet, amazing, and down to earth writers. You should definitely go check out each of these people and buy like 10 of their books! They're really great people and I've made it super easy for you, just click on their name! <br />
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<a href="http://twitter.com/#!/Quartland">Courtney Stevens Potter</a> - she's not published YET and doesn't have an author website but she just informed me that we can have a party when she gets 100 followers on Twitter so this is her link. go! follow...parties are fun!<br />
<a href="http://www.kristintubb.com/">Kristen Tubb</a><br />
<a href="http://www.jennifertrafton.com/">Jennifer Trafton</a><br />
<a href="http://www.cynthealiu.com/">Cynthea Liu</a><br />
<a href="http://www.jennifer-bradbury.com/">Jennifer Bradbury</a><br />
<a href="http://www.vickyalvearshecter.com/">Vicky Alvear Shecter</a><br />
<a href="http://www.tracybarrett.com/">Tracy Barrett</a><br />
<a href="http://kathrynswilliams.com/">Kathryn Williams</a><br />
<a href="http://www.nicholassparks.com/">Nicholas Sparks</a> - okay...I didn't meet him or even hear him speak but those first 4 books are TRUE stories and that's just freakin' ridiculous! <br />
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If any of you authors actually see this, thanks so much for the creative energy and the art of story telling!carla j. schoolerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14777237607106686202noreply@blogger.com0