steubenville.

i've been on quite the hiatus from this blog and maybe soon i can share some of that but let's forget about my lack of consistency for today and talk about something way more important.

steubenville.

i honestly don't know where to start...

maybe i should start with our culture and how sexually driven it is. if i were to start there i would talk about entertainment and how kids (especially girls) are objectified and sexualized at such a young age. i would mention how i see pics on facebook of 5-6-7 year old girls posing like models. i would talk about how comments only feed this monster that says body type, clothes, looks, make-up & pretty hair give you worth. maybe i could mention the way girls and young women are led to believe that being bigger than a size 4 is fat and undesirable. i could talk about how the evils of airbrush and photo shop have given women of all ages a completely warped view of beauty.

but maybe i should start with our complete and utter obsession with sports and how this rivals and equates to the first subject. in the same way girls are led to believe they find worth in outer beauty, pants size or skin tone: boys are pressured to find worth in athletic ability. and when a child is found with great talent that is exploited in many cases. i could mention how we have created a culture that says sports stars can do no wrong. at that point i would talk about how it started on a professional level and has trickled down. there could be a place here to throw in the fact that the big red football players of steubenville were protected by a coach and community simply because they played football. i would've also thrown in at that point...this did not excuse the behaviors BUT IT SURE DIDN'T HELP. i could've talked about how i work with kids and how kids will do a lot of things if they know there are no consequences. and then that would be a prime time to talk about some of the reasons kids are led to believe star athletes are exempt from rules and laws. oh i don't know, maybe, i could've mentioned there the way we've allowed professionals to commit crimes of assault/domestic violence but slapped their hands, given them a "no-no" & put them back on the court/field in time for the game.

but maybe those aren't the best ways to start.

alright, let's try the "she was intoxicated" route. i don't think i would've had a lot to say about that one except maybe i would've turned the coin there and asked for just a little imagination... there's a group of boys at a summer party and let's imagine one of them is passed out drunk. now imagine this...a few of the other boys think it would be funny to maybe beat the crap out of him, maybe pee on him, maybe they take all his clothes off and take some pics of him.  even more boys find this HILARIOUS so they take a video and really insult the passed out kid and play it up on twitter. of course there are lots of texts going around about it too because, let's face it...this is funny! a little bit later our john doe sobers up and realizes he has a broken nose and maybe a couple broken ribs. well, john, sorry about your luck. you couldn't tell them to stop so they had EVERY RIGHT to do all those things. it would be a bad idea to talk about this, john, because you'd probably lose friends and don't forget...those guys are really REALLY good at basketball and might have a career in the NBA someday. let's not put a damper on that with a juvenile assault charge, okay john, it was all in good fun. you don't want to be the reason we don't go to state this year do you? i didn't think so...just suck it up.

but even after all that...i still don't know where to start.

i'm not sure my infuriated ranting would do any good anyway. but this, i AM sure of:

i know guys who were great high school athletes, some of them are professionals and they are OUTSTANDING men. you can use your talent to be great. it is YOUR talent, YOUR influence...make good choices with it.

and lastly, and probably most importantly:
 
i care very deeply for some women who are survivors of sexual assault. as i think of steubenville's jane doe, i pray she meets some friends like mine. they are beautiful women who have fought these battles both externally and internally. they never should've had to fight but they are ALIVE AND THRIVING! they are professionals, they are mothers, they are wives, they are exceptional friends & they inspire me every day. 

can i change our obsessive, subjective, permissive culture?

maybe not in a day but it's why i work with kids.

i am certain i can change it for one of them.

and so can you.