writing for me

I read a friend's blog earlier and it sparked some thoughts and ideas. Click here and read it too! So I decided that I would do a little "free writing" with everything going on upstairs...

 It is so funny to me that once I came to terms with the fact that what I create doesn't have to sound like anyone else that is when my creativity began to spark. Over the past ten years I have really learned so much about who I am but I think I've been scared to let that show in my writing. I was always so afraid no one wanted to hear anything about me. So here I am, after wasted time, realizing that what I write is really for me, its my expression, my outlet. If someone hears it and identifies with it that makes it even more worth it but I write for me. I write about me. I write about friends in my life and situations I see.

In her blog, Ruta says "Write what you feel. Write what you imagine. Write what you love." Never EVER did she say, "Write what you think people will want to read." (or in my case "hear") There are some artists that I LOVE but that doesn't mean I need to sound or write like they do. I absolutely adore Pink, her courage, her honesty, her sincerity and her amazing ability to say whatever the crap she wants. BUT I'm not Pink. I think I would get fired from my current employer. If not fired at least suspended and there would be committee called to deal with the craziness. haha! Not to mention the fact that my Mom would have me on every prayer chain she could come in contact with! (Sorry for the Pink rant, my inner rock star loves her.) Anyway...I'm just me. I can't pretend to know what anyone would really want to hear but I know what I like to hear and I know what I need to say.

I agree with Ruta. I don't really know that much but I do know who I am. So I will write about me, my life and my dreams. I'm learning more about myself and I'm experiencing new ways to love others every day. That's great news for me because I know that if I keep my guitar handy my life will produce lyrics and melodies that I love. The world may never hear them but I will and I will cherish every one.

So I'm taking "write what you are" to heart. Thanks for the reminder, friend!

fear.

Emotion is such a crazy beast. During my graduate studies in the couseling field it was ingrained into my brain that, "Emotions are not right or wrong. They are just emotions." Being a very emotional person, I live by this principal. Not only do I live by the principal but I tell everyone that asks for advice, needs a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on...this is a revolutionary concept. We place blame or judgement on ourselves for "feeling" a certain way. What really matters is our reaction to the emotion. We get to choose how we express that anger, happiness, or love. We truly are in control of our own emotions.

So that brings me to fear.

I choose to loathe you, fear.

For more than a decade I have truly wanted a musical career in one aspect or another. Every time I get close to taking a step in the musical direction, there is my good ole' pal fear. Someone asked me once, are you scared of failing? Yes! But for me, I am equally scared of succeeding. As the old saying goes, "damned if you do, damned if you don't."

Being in this stagnate state is so familiar. If I don't make an effort, if I don't take initiative then I can't fail OR succeed. It really all comes down to the unknown...what would it be like to fail? what would it be like to succeed? And WORST OF ALL what would it be like to succeed and become a failure quickly there after?

What if I get my hopes up only to get them smashed?
What if my name gets out there and someone from my past maliciously throws dirt my way?
What if I'm not as good as everyone thinks I am?
What if I AM as good as everyone thinks I am?
What if it changes who I am?
What if I'm not supposed to dream that big?

Well, fear. I'm done with you. I am taking steps, I'm believing in me, and I'm going to see what happens. If I fail, that's fine...I like my life. If I succeed, that's awesome too! You might hang around and try to plague me every now and then, that's ok..I'm expecting it. But, fear, you should know that you don't control me, I control you. You are but mere emotion, and a weak one at that. I just happen to be on speaking terms with my Creator and he's given me love, power, and a sound mind. So hang around if you must but I'm sorry to tell you...you may get bored quickly, I'm moving on.

So that brings me back to....

I choose to loath you, fear.

the life of melody

my best friend is an amazing writer. when we met more than ten years ago we had an immediate bond. a lot of that had to do with music and creativity. we quickly began writing lyrics together and then i would give those words the life of melody. the relationship of words and music is a beautiful craft.

sometimes she gives me an idea, sometimes a few phrases, and sometimes she hands me a completed poem. once she hands me those words i begin the process of giving them new life as a song.

thank you, dear friend, for trusting that i will hold those words dear and give them a melody that someday the world may hear.

below is a very rough, work in progress, iPhone voice recorded, version of a poem turned song about the contradiction that is so often love.

for the original poem visit http://www.quartland.blogspot.com/ (or just look over there on the right...there's a link) you won't be disappointed when you visit quartland. she's an amazing writer with two YA novels in progress...and an even greater friend.